I hear often how hard it is to forgive. When you think about it this is likely true for most of us, at least at times. It is hard to move forward when we feel we have been wronged. In order to live our best life this is what we must do. How then do we forgive what we consider unforgivable? More than that how do we forgive a person or people who do not feel they need forgiving? Those that feel they have done nothing meriting a need to apologize? Let’s deep dive this topic and begin healing.
First, let’s look at the fact that the only person you can control is you. So when we hold onto anger, hurt, upsets, grievances and disappointments we are giving our power away to someone who has not earned it. The very person or situation that caused us these feelings is the person or situation that continues to hold the power. So ask yourself, have they earned this power? Do they have the right to cause you continued angst? If the answer is a solid no then read on.
Let me start by saying, forgiving has a lot of meanings and not all of them involve the other persons participation. For example if a person comes to you and is apologetic in regards to their infraction, this involves that person. This work toward forgiveness involves both parties. This can often times be much easier to deal with. Especially when a person is sincere and we are receptive to their outreach.
As fore mentioned not all forgiveness includes the perpetrators participation. This forgiveness is only internal and it is for you solely. An effective way to achieve this is to journal it. To air the grievance(s) the good old fashioned way, via pen and paper. Deep dive what it is, how it has effected your life and all the feelings that have reared their ugly heads as a result. Sit with that until the list is exhaustive and there is nothing left to uncover.
Here is the magical part, the part where you work internally (via thoughts) and externally (via pen and paper) to let it go. Writing out and thinking about the motivation you have within you to recover, to take your power back, to grow past and through the hurt and to heal. Remembering all the while that this is for you. The person or situation does not benefit because they will not be involved unless you chose to tell them that you have forgiven them. That is a very personal choice. Nonetheless, this is for you. Because you refuse to spend another night with negative feelings, you are demanding your power back from a situation or person who has not earned it.
From there visualize yourself letting it go. Seems silly but it is effective. Picture it in your mind and then visualize letting it go. Each time it tries to invade your thoughts re visualize it floating away into the sky and remind yourself it no longer has a hold on you. Once you have done this effectively you will find peace within that you did not know was possible. At this point you can start to uncover the lesson this life event was meant to teach you. Trust me, every life event is meant to teach us a lesson. Lessons are hard to learn when we are still effected by the trauma . However, once you feel the peace of the release you will know it is a good time to tackle learning the lesson.
As usual if you need someone to walk beside you on your journey to forgiveness reach out to me at www.mybeachtherapy.net .
