As an adolescent when I was upset with someone I loathed when an adult would chime in and say some flippant remark like, “Don’t let it bother you.” I would think, who the heck are you to tell me that this should not bother me?! Did you not see what they just did, or said? Do you even understand what just happened? Maybe if you had paid closer attention you would not be telling me to let it roll off! If I want to be bothered I am going to be bothered, and I sure am bothered!
Fast forward a few decades and here I am telling my kids the same thing…… “Come on guys…….let it bounce!” I will have to ask them if this remark bothers them as much as it used to bother me. As an adult I see it’s value, I understand it’s meaning, and I have gained perspective with maturity and life experience.
So here I am being the person I used to find annoying as a child. The person who tells everyone to learn the skill of letting it bounce. If I did not feel strongly on the subject I would not be preaching the message. Here is what holding onto afflictions creates…… stress….. anxiety……… depression…..not to mention perpetual anger!
As much fun as those things are it is much more reasonable to assume we would all like to live a life as free of misery as possible. One sure-fire way to freedom is letting things bounce. This is not saying you don’t address the snide remark, the rude comment, the back stabbing, the behind your back gossip and any wrong doing. I always tell people to address it as it comes up but do NOT hold onto it.
Address it appropriately, allowing the person(s) to know how it effected you, that it can not happen in the future and then decide if you want this person in your life moving forward. Doing these things are helping to create a healing of the wound. Holding onto it as though by doing so you are proving something is not a part of any curative process.
In our heads we think that by holding onto the negative emotion or feeling we are showing the world that we are still angry, hurt or that we are not forgiving this thing that has wronged us. However, we are not in all actuality showing the world or the person (s) any such thing. I hate to break it to you, but in all likely hood the world, the person(s) have moved on. And more than that in their heads they are thinking, wow this guy/girl is still upset about that…. still letting that control his happiness or lack of …… still so upset he/she can’t move on? So what this leaves is you, a person who is becoming more bitter by the day.
When your objective is to continue to prove that you are right and they are wrong, what we substantiate instead is that we are unable to grow from adversity. And truth be told, the biggest growth happens when you overcome adversity. You’re missing out on some phenomenal evolution of self when you hold on to these things.
What does that leave us with 1. hurt 2. the act of processing 3. speaking your truth 4. moving on and letting it bounce! This is for you and not for anyone else. Love yourself more than you want to pay them back and you will learn the spirit behind growing through adversity. If you or someone you know needs someone to walk beside you while you process something or if you’re having a hard time healing you can contact me at mybeachtherapy.net and we will tackle this together!
